Money for Good Grades? Better Ways to Praise Your Child’s Academic Efforts
Why do you want your kid to have good grades? This may seem like a silly question. However, it’s an important one when considering how to support your child’s success when it comes to grades. Maybe you want to make sure they graduate from high school. Maybe you want to ensure that they are set up well for college applications or future employment. Probably more so than any of these reasons, maybe you would like your child to have positive, life-long habits that set them up for success in whatever they choose to do. And getting good grades is, truly, all about habits.
Habits and Motivation
Whether we recognize it or not, our daily habits are driven by two basic forms of motivation: internal and external.
- Internal or ‘intrinsic’ motivation comes from within. This kind of motivation is driven by natural desire, passion, or interest. For example, the love of the game or enjoyment of social engagement that might drive one to continue playing recreational sports.
- External or ‘extrinsic’ motivation, on the other hand, is driven by reward systems. For example, going to work (especially a disliked job) may be motivated by paychecks.
Most of our habits are motivated by some combination of internal and external factors. The problem with external motivators? When they go away, so do the habits associated with them.
A quick way to check which kind of motivation dominates a given habit? Remove the external motivation and see what happens.
One of my favorite questions for my students: If your school stopped giving you grades for your homework, would you continue to do it? Most can’t help but laugh in my face. The idea that someone would willingly choose to do homework in this situation seems impossible to even comprehend! This signals that the habit of completing homework is primarily dependent on the grades one gets in return.
A mindset shift
It may seem overwhelmingly simple to point out the fact that kids are not typically driven by an internal fire of passion when it comes to completing their school work. However, this simple fact is often overlooked by adults. And it’s a key one to keep in mind if you are hoping for your child to develop good work habits. So, I encourage a mindset change—one that avoids focussing on external rewards like grades or money and instead centers around your child’s work ethic.
Alternatives to $
- Encouragement – There is a difference between praise and encouragement. Praise focuses on product, encouragement on process. Encourage your children’s habit formation by championing their progress and work ethic. TIP: Be specific and genuine. (i.e. “I’ve noticed you getting up early to finish your homework. It looks like you are putting in a lot of work.”)
- Self-directed goals – Help your child set their own goals for their school work and grades. Not only does this strategy support your child in thinking about their future, but it also encourages them to strengthen executive functioning skills like planning and time management.
- Celebration – Accomplishments deserve celebration! Just because you are trying to avoid money for grades does not mean you need to avoid celebration. You can find ways of celebrating that center on human connection. Experiences with family and friends are a great way to go! TIP: When your child is thinking through their goals, encourage them to think about how they would like to celebrate when they achieve them.